So, I went to a nail salon in LA. Upon my arrival, the good lady at the hosting counter said with a signature lousy attitude, “We don’t know if the technician will still take you because your appointment was at 3:30 and it is 3:36. Our appointments are very hard to get.” She squinted, and paused. I thought oh okay, all valid thoughts, but what’s with the hubris, lady? (Btw, that’s a good word, feel free to use it more often, you’d be shocked at how well it will come in handy. Hubris: “excessive pride and self-confidence.”) So, yeah, lady, what’s with the hubris? Why are you talking to me like I just threw out your Kylie Jenner Lip Kit that you have been waitlisted for since the war in Syria started? Why are you snubbing me like I just told you that Harry from One Direction was gay and won’t ever marry you?

She squinted again. She let anxiety pervade my soul. Then, she said, again, with the same lousy attitude, “It is at the discretion of the nail technician to decide whether she can slash will take you or not.”

“Discretion!
Can (!) SLASH (!) will take me!
First of all, I’m super excited for the nail technician, because that’s an awesome title to have, plus, she has discretion; she’s the 1%. Second of all, a special person must have served as a behavioral role model to you, and you thought it was a sublime idea to emulate the way they speak to people, but just because you have a piece of shit boss who talks to you the way you just talked to me, and who can’t make it safe for you in the work place because he/she is a shitty person, you do not need to communicate any of your stress with any hubris, at any time. It is out of place, pissy missy. Your hubris will always be out of place, no matter what you do.

Am I missing something? Are you engaging in nation-building in here and I missed the memo? Did I just lose the only copy of your years of Panglossian Paradigm research on the Appalachian trail? Are you curing Multiple Sclerosis in this nail salon, and you are super stressed that the FDA won’t approve it because it isn’t financially profitable for the pharmaceutical interest group? Or is it that you are toiling to try and help the Palestinians get better livelihood in Gaza, but your project just got shut down by Israel because they consider your humanitarian help to Palestine to be anti-Semitic? Do you know that in the past week three Palestinians in Gaza have literally set themselves on fire on three distinctive days to protest their dismal living conditions, and no one, NO ONE, reported any of it? There are communities in Africa who consider their lives better today because the women and children, who have to walk 4 miles a day to draw water from a shitty lake to maintain livelihood for their families, now instead have rolling water tanks. So, today, they don’t have to carry that heavy shit on their heads but now, they roll it. That is luxury for them. Did you know that? Or is it all about your yoga practice that you go to wearing spandex pants made by third-world child laborers, slaves, but you don’t care cuz it says “Namaste” on your butt and it makes it look good, and that’s what’s important for your Instagram yoga shots?

I am not saying you deserve anything less than any privilege you have, or that you should feel guilt for the way most human beings live in this world, I am not even suggesting that you should do more with your life, but considering how much pain there is in this world, what I am suggesting is that you reassess your attitude because it is small, and a small attitude leads to a small life. And small lives do nothing but contribute pain to this world. Do you want a small life? No? If not, then be less selfish with your kindness. You have no idea how good you have it that what you consider acute stress in your day is that some customer was 6 minutes late for a nail polish change, which YOU are not even going to do, the powerful nail technician will have to do it, and on top of that, she will have to deal with me. That’s a lot for her. You deserve a better life than the smallness in which you have chosen to communicate with me, which ultimately only showcases the inner workings of your personality, and that is a burden only you will have to bear, no one else. That goes for you and for everyone in this damn world who believes they are too important to partake of kindness in their everyday life. *smile* Anyway. I love you.”

So she called the police.

I’m kiddin. She took me in.

All this to say, this was another amazing day for humanity.

You’re welcome.

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59 Comments

  • Mehdi says:

    I know your analysis of the situation is just an enlightening theoretical situation .
    But this situation has some inherent narratorial discrepancies.
    The most important of which is , what in the world’s name were you doing in a nail parlor in the first place?!
    With that kind of deep thoughts you should do your own nails or clip’em !
    You placed yourself in a theoretical ironic situation which makes your concerns less credible.
    Cheers!

  • Make Way says:

    You are not more important than the nail technician, nor is your time more valuable.

    • Malek Fares says:

      Wooopphaaa, “make way” for the only idiot here. Your negativity and your sinister livelihood have no place here on the mighty Sara El-Yafi’s website. You are clearly not smart enough to deserve to read her words. Your inferiority complex should drive you to speak in a psychologist’s office, not on a respectable online platform, and certainly not on this gracious person’s page. (You’re not even brave enough to show your name.)

  • Sara El-Yafi says:

    I love you all. Your words make me laugh, and warm my heart. Couldn’t ask for a response that would make my heart fuller. Thanks for taking the time to read, and like, share, and especially comment. Friends like you make it worth it to get into emotional conversations with nail salon representatives. Remember always #saynotohubris

    Tristan, Tanya, Nicholas, Amer, Elo, Lon, Hanadi, Leon, Hollie, Wassef, Anthony, Fida, Liliane, Nadim, Jy, Nicholas, Karam, Patty, Rani, Sobhi, Jamal, Diala, Sarah, Gregory, Neo, Nour, Ali, Jihad, Ahmad, Chris, Ani, Bilal, Hana, Lara, Julian, Hussein, Rosanna, Lynn, Amany, Faris, Adib, Thomas, Sabrina, Boubacar, Raef, Alissar, Rima, Sarsoura, Tarek.

  • Hussein Itany says:

    I just want to read this over and over again.
    Lovely! Hahahaha
    Much love Sara all the way from the smallness of Beirut idiocies.

  • Tarek Abed says:

    Yo cuz how long are you in LA for I need some Yafi Time!!

  • Sarsoura Kaddoura says:

    Nicely said and written ???

  • Rima El Yafi says:

    Sarah ! Tu es unique!

  • Alissar Caracalla says:

    You are a piece of art ! Love this

  • Raef Kobeissi says:

    Loooool that was a hell of a speech

  • Boubacar Thiam says:

    Jolie…

  • Sabrina Rogers-Anderson says:

    LOVE THISSS

  • Thomas Park says:

    Are you sure you came only 6 minutes late? Are you sure about that?

  • Adib Farha says:

    Tell us how you really feel! 😀

  • Faris Smadi says:

    Nice nails though after all ?

  • Amany Saghir says:

    Hahahahahahahaha
    BRILLIANT!!!

  • Lynn Ammar says:

    Haha… Sara you should tag her.. or the nail technician.. or the Salon.. 🙂

  • Rosanna Tedeschi says:

    Bam!!!!

  • Hussein Itany says:

    Okkkkkk Hahahaha

  • Julian Leuthold says:

    Good to have you back in LA. Sounds like you’ve been doing well since our meet-up in Davos.

  • Lara Haddad says:

    Well… Alas your nails look amazing! Namaste my gorgeous friend! Missing you dearly! ❤️

  • Hana Samouri says:

    PEACE..lol <3

  • Ahmad Mohtadi says:

    https://youtu.be/92fD8Cy2zL0

    Is this the place you go to Sara ?

  • Bilal Khodari says:

    What’s with the hubris @ ur gif ?

  • Ani Baboyan says:

    Nail technicians appointment should always be respected. They are powerful and free you can not argue with them and whatever happens they are in there total rights. So please next time you should arrive just on time. And don’t try to arrive earlier as you will have triggered another conflict

  • Chris Taylor says:

    Stunning. 🙂

  • Ahmad Mohtadi says:

    Hubris! Love it and using it now, tell Tarek it’s the new ‘ comin’ in Hot ‘ hell explain ?

  • Jihad Krayem says:

    No one is as witty and clever as you are. And I read lots and lots of stuff. You’re by far one of the better writers out there, if not the best.

  • Ali Halawi says:

    Simply hilarious!

  • Maya Hodroj says:

    There are different levels of geniuses – this woman definitely masters a good number of them!
    Ever since the Harvard Israeli food station post, I have been a fan.

  • Nour Taher says:

    Maria, am sure u will like this 🙂

  • Neo Ajaka says:

    I’m so not doing my nails over there ??????

  • Gregory Gatserelia says:

    I’m clearly impressed, it’s so funny, was reading it during a boring meeting, had to leave the room!!! Couldn’t restain laughing!!! T’adore ❤️❤️❤️???

  • Sarah Beaini Rafeh says:

    ??? you. Are.hilarious.

  • Diala Kassem says:

    <3 <3

  • Jamal Tayara-Baroudy says:

    “…but you don’t care cuz it says “Namaste” on your butt and it makes it look good, and that’s what’s important for your Instagram yoga shots?” i cracked up :DDDDD I am sharing lol! She deserved it .. if she understood anything you said! s:)

  • Sobhi Itani says:

    WOW! The more I read your writings, the more I think that I would be super comfortable if you led our country. I am sure you would do a good job to defend us, and stand up for our higher values. (Plus, you are hilarious). #saraforprimeminister

  • Rani Kayrouz says:

    Sorry didn’t read.. but when did u turn that pretty?

  • Patty Karam says:

    Hahahahahaha genial !! ??????

  • Karam Toubba says:

    MY HERO <3

  • Nicholas Marquez-Grant says:

    hahahaha, you are so funny!

  • Jy Jreissati says:

    Another great piece 🙂

  • Nadim Haddad says:

    That dialogue went on in your head or did you actually deliver it to her???

  • Liliane N. Assaf says:

    Please tell me you really told her all that!

  • Fida Krayem says:

    Hahahahaaaa!!! You make me laugh out loud, but also make me think so profoundly!

  • Anthony Elghossain says:

    You’re angry ‘slash’ inspired. Why don’t you just take five, mmkay? 🙂

  • Wassef Ezzedine says:

    You’re an easy writer… ‘d love to write like you !

  • Hollie Ghandour says:

    Hahha, excellent 🙂

  • Leon Patchett says:

    So it was worth it?

  • Hanadi A. Zeidan says:

    Hahaahahha u r too cute

  • Lon Fiala says:

    I love you. Your nails look great…

  • Elo Koko says:

    Love it! Hubris, the new favorite work ?

  • Amer El Rassas says:

    hahaha anyway nails looks fantastic!

  • Nicholas Haddad says:

    Hahahahahaaaaaa!!! You’re sooo hilarious! And Deep! How does that even work?

  • Tanya Kassem says:

    There are so many levels of genius in this post. This text should be studied.

  • Tristan Hudson says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! Amazing, amazing!!! *bow*

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